“And We have enjoined upon man goodness to parents. But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them. To Me is your return, and I will inform you about what you used to do” [Qur’an Chapter 29: Verse 8].
Allah has endowed upon women so many challenging yet rewarding roles, but we often overlook that being a good daughter is one of the best ways in which we can worship Allah – whether you are a married woman with demands from your in-laws or a single Muslimah who is looking to get married remember that you can live your life’s true purpose by looking after your parents.
1. Prioritise your parents over other tasks
Despite the demands on our time from work, personal goals and other aspirations – we must do our best to prioritise our parents over other less important tasks. It isn’t easy! However, making sure you are flexible and checking in with your parents before making other commitments outside of work life can really help you manage your family tasks and fulfil your duties to your parents.
2. Communicate regularly
There’s nothing better than a cup of tea with your Mum or chat with your Dad on a quiet Sunday to build a positive relationship with your parents. It’s very important to have open and honest communication with your parents. Even small chats and giving your parents time can help them to realise that they are not taken for granted – as parents get older all they want is your attention just as you wanted all of theirs as a child! Something as simple as going for a walk in the park or sitting in the living room talking about life in general regularly can remind them that they are still the most important people in your life as you get older and preoccupied with other commitments in life.
3. Be patient and good to them
We may fall into the trap of shaytan – talking back to our parents, arguing with them when we disagree on a matter or even saying hurtful things to them. But we must remember that Allah says in the Qur’an that even when our parents do not not necessarily see things the way we do, it is important to still be kind and good to them. Ultimately, none of us can be perfect daughters (as much as we may try to be!) because perfection belongs to Allah alone. We can however do our best to please our parents with good words and kind treatment.
4. Give them quality time
Schedule outings and quality time with your parents. This could be something simple and low-budget by taking your parents to the mosque, having brunch in your favourite cafe or scheduling a shopping trip to treat them. This should be time where you give them your undivided attention and make them feel like they are worthy of your time no matter how busy you may get in life. After all, your parents most likely spent most of their lives sacrificing and giving up their own time and desires to care and provide for you. Spending time with your parents, especially if you don’t live with them, is something you try to do even if it means a regular phone call to let your parents know that you are thinking of them and that you are there if they ever need you. This is a huge positive booster in being a good daughter.
5. Shower them with gifts and du’a
There is a profound hadith which highlights how we will never be able to be truly grateful for everything our parents have done for us especially when we were younger. It is only befitting that we do our best to attempt repaying them by gifting them with things they like – cooking them dinner, buying clothes, flowers or spending on them by taking them on a trip to ‘Umrah or to Hajj – a journey of a lifetime.
Finally, the best thing you can give them is your prayers, as Allah says we should always recite: “My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small” [Qur’an Chapter 17: Verse 24]. We must remind ourselves that making du’a for our parents is one of the best actions we can do for them whether our parents are still with us today or have departed from this world as the Prophet Muhammad(pbuh) said: “When a human being dies, all of his deeds are terminated except for three types: an ongoing sadaqah (charity), knowledge from which others benefit, and a righteous child who makes du’a for him.” [Muslim]
So those are my 5 simple hacks to incorporate into our daily lives, that we hope will help us all strive to be better daughters and ultimately be more productive Muslimahs in our lives.