All of the human beings face disappointments in life that may lead one to depression and stress. We know life is not perfect, it is not ideal, we are meant to be tested. People will hurt us, things may not work the way we want them to work, relationships may break. Often times a disappointment in life may cause one's aversion to Islam. The question is how to rise from a set back in life? How to survive the depression? How do we forgive and forget? How do we try again? How not to fall into disbelief?
Nobody ever said that it is easy. In face Allah told us in glorious Quran: “Verily We have created the human being into toil and struggle” [Surah Al-Balad;4]
We hope, we dream, we strive, we build and yes indeed we can fail, fall, and feel hurt, betrayal, and just simply experience a lack of empathy and compassion for others. However, we can get back up, try again, hope again, dream again, strive again and build again. We can succeed again. We can be happy and fulfilled again if we just follow these following steps:
1) Flee to Allah.
Allah is our creator. He knows us the way nobody can ever. He knows and hears everything. He is the maker of this heart and understands it better than anyone else. So, to rise again from disappointments in life, go to the creator of everything. Tell Him even if he knows everything. He can heal whatever hurts. Mend whatever is broken. Know that is Ar-Rahman, Al-Hakeem, Al-Malik, Al-Aleem. Seek comfort in the remembrance of Allah.
“And seek help through patience and prayer, and indeed, it is difficult except for the humbly submissive (to Allah)” [Surah Al-Baqarah;4]
Make dua’a: When it comes to dua’a, we are told in the Quran: “If my servants ask you about me, then tell them I am near, and I answer the call of the one who calls on to me” [Al-Baqarah;186] 2. Adjust your expectations.
In Quran, Allah has mentioned this in several verses that the nature of this worldly life is imperfect and temporary, yet, we face disappointments. Allah says:
“Or do you think that you will enter Paradise while such (trial) has not yet come to you as came to those who passed on before you? They were touched by poverty and hardship and were shaken until (even their) messenger and those who believed with him said: “When is the help of Allah?” Unquestionably, the help of Allah is near.” [Al-Baqarah;214]
“And certainly, We shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to As-Sabirin (the patient ones) …” [Al-Baqarah;155]
Disappointments in life are meant to teach us. They are our tests and doors to paradise. They are there to make us stronger. We are bound to experience the pangs of this life but in the end all that has a benefit for us, either in this life or in the hereafter.
Remember though, that growing stronger does not mean that the heart grows harder; rather it should mean that our hearts are actually softer and able to show more compassion for others. In fact, it can mean that the heart is so alive and so in touch with its feelings and those of others, that it can be such a source of strength in difficult times. As per the Prophet’s (PBUH) hadith:
“O young man, I shall teach you some words [of advice]: Be mindful of Allah and Allah will protect you. Be mindful of Allah and you will find Him in front of you. If you ask, then ask Allah [alone]; and if you seek help, then seek help from Allah [alone]. And know that if the nation were to gather together to benefit you with anything, they would not benefit you except with what Allah had already prescribed for you. And if they were to gather together to harm you with anything, they would not harm you except with what Allah had already prescribed against you. The pens have been lifted and the pages have dried.” [At- Tirmidhi]
3) Focus on what matters in life.
Free yourself from all that is bothering you. Try not to allow the moments of sadness and frustration impact your life. Try not to give it much thought and ruin your happiness. Let Allah take care of what is beyond your control. Trust Him. You cant fix everything on your own. You can only try and leave it to Allah. And Allah knows best. Don’t get carried away by the disappointments. Focus on what you still have, what still holds you? Focus on what really matters. If what you’re doing is pleasing to the Creator, then worry less about the creation.
4) Build resilience.
This is the ability to overcome difficulty and emerge stronger than before. Resilience allows you to actualize one of the greatest keys to success, according to personal development experts, which is to believe that we are not the results of our circumstances. It allows us to come back and try again, even after great disappointment because we did not want to allow circumstances to dictate who we are or the quality of our life. Poverty, illness, sadness, wars, natural disasters, and a lack of safety, a lack of opportunity or social support and other unfortunate circumstances do not have to doom a person to misery.
5) Learn to take care of yourself
Many people and especially, women are busy in making lives of others easy that they do not give enough time to care for themselves. Remember, you cannot give if you cannot give yourself in the first place. An empty cum can never serve anyone. You need strength to survive in this world. You too need strength to overcome grief and disappointment. Take care of your body, eath and stay healthy, that way you will be strong in the face of trials and exercise, it is a natural anti-depressant.
Learn how to say ’no’ when you need to. And explore what you need to recharge. Even if you are an extrovert that likes being around people, you will find that you do need time for yourself to relax. Whether it’s time to read, write, draw, exercise, pray, watch or listen to an inspirational video/audio, find what works for you and brings you comfort. If you’ve been through a very difficult time, don’t be afraid to seek help; after Allah, ask a loved one or close and trusted friend, join an online support group, or don’t be hesitant to speak with a professional counselor.
Disappointments are meant to pass. Nothing will last forever. Let go off of the past and begin a new journey. Trust in His plans. May Allah heal all of us.